Notes of Change: If you don't like where you are, then CHANGE it.

I've realized lately I'm a wimp. Not the: I'm not very strong and have a record of 10 push-ups, wimp...The: I always back out of opportunities, I never reach out to people, and I'm all tied up in 3 emotions, (this is mostly about boys, and especially one specifically), kind of a wimp.
My 3 emotions that I am not on very good terms with at the moment:
-Fear
-Nervousness
-Anxiousness
:/
I hate to even think I let them rule my life!!! It especially doesn't help that I'm shy...
But as I was sitting down I was remembering all the time we spent together :)
That one night I swear you gave me a billion hugs and I was nervous as heck... But back then I tried to stay, instead of run away, and now this sentence is really cheesy because the truth just ryhmed.
Point is I miss nights like those..... I hate never having the guts to talk to you at school.
It might as well be tearing me apart...I am so frustrated with myself.

I like to imagine having a nice conversation after school again, or talking at lunch, or the smiles you give me that make me die (they make me smile too) ;)

I just wish it was like it used to be...suddenly fear is everywhere. And I can't get out of it.

I just wish when I thought about even simply saying "hey", the nervousness wouldn't show up.

I just wish that when I finally have convinced myself I can do it, I wouldn't get anxious.

I AM SICK OF IT.

But I just can't break free. Because Im not ready.
It's me, it's ALL ME.
While I was sitting down I was remembering, wishing, hoping, then realizing.

I am ready.
I'm not going to let them control what I do. Im ready, because I finally realized how its killing me to only see you. NOT talk, NOT hug, NOT give high-fives. So I've decided to NOT back out....Its all me. :) And so in that case...

Im going to CHANGE it.