If you don't like where you are, then CHANGE it.

    I've realized lately I'm a wimp. Not the: I'm not very strong and have a record of 10 push-ups, wimp...The: I always back out of opportunities, I never reach out to people, and I'm all tied up in 3 emotions, (this is mostly about boys, and especially one specifically), kind of a wimp.
My 3 emotions that I am not on very good terms with at the moment:
-Fear
-Nervousness
-Anxiousness
:/
I hate to even think I let them rule my life!!! It especially doesn't help that I'm shy...
But as I was sitting down I was remembering all the time we spent together :)
That one night I swear you gave me a billion hugs and I was nervous as heck... But back then I tried to stay, instead of run away, and now this sentence is really cheesy because the truth just ryhmed.
Point is I miss nights like those..... I hate never having the guts to talk to you at school.
It might as well be tearing me apart...I am so frustrated with myself.

I like to imagine having a nice conversation after school again, or talking at lunch, or the smiles you give me that make me die (they make me smile too) ;)

I just wish it was like it used to be...suddenly fear is everywhere. And I can't get out of it.

I just wish when I thought about even simply saying "hey", the nervousness wouldn't show up.

I just wish that when I finally have convinced myself I can do it, I wouldn't get anxious.

I AM SICK OF IT.

But I just can't break free. Because Im not ready.
It's me, it's ALL ME.
While I was sitting down I was remembering, wishing, hoping, then realizing.

I am ready.
I'm not going to let them control what I do. Im ready, because I finally realized how its killing me to only see you. NOT talk, NOT hug, NOT give high-fives. So I've decided to NOT back out....Its all me. :) And so in that case...

                   Im going to CHANGE it.

There...numerous pictures for my enjoyment and ispiration (feel free to enjoy and be inspired as well) :D

A mere fairytale...

I haven't felt like writing lately,
or really doing anything for that matter.

I just live in my head imagining something amazing will happen.
Imagining moments that I know would never happen, especially to me.

I try to convince myself I won't have to wake up go to classes and then come home.
Come home and do homework, and not talk to anyone.

I waste my time hoping, praying that a "movie moment" will be just around the corner.
That someone will come up to me, that HE'll come up to me. And that I won't blush.

I dream that everything is perfect that I'm happy, that I'm not shy.
That I'm not a nothing. That certain people think of me the way I think of them.

But the fact is Real Life isn't like that, it never will be.
"That stuff only happens in movies." ...well it's self explanitory

And then theres that one day, that it happens.
And you cant believe that it's REALLY happening.

And you smile.
And finally I've had my "movie moment"

But at the same time I'm scared. This has never happened.
And I don't want to mess anything up.

But its ok, because I'm still smiling. :)

Take a deep breath...

Letters

What if something tragic happened, a natural disaster, a war? How would we live, what would we do? We are so used to getting everything handed to us, we dont pull handcarts or all live on farms just to get food, what if we didnt have anything.
No electricity.
No fast food.
No mall.
No house.
What would we do?
Well the point is can you imagine even just living 100 years ago?
     There are so many things that I would love to try/do. For example, use a typwriter, run through a field, stay for a week and work on a farm, all but a few of many ideas I have.
     But one thing I think would be extremely fun is to write letters to eachother, REAL letters. Not messaging on facebook, or texting. Just old fashioned letters- hand written. :) Then what if we trained birds to deliver them like way back when. I just think it would be extremely fun and entertaining and it would get america off their lazy behinds, speaking of which I should get off the computer. :)

P.S. Write me a letter :)

This Incredibly Monumentous Summer.

     It seems that everything is falling apart, worried faces, frowns, sighs, and silence. Its a sad world we live in, with blessings and trials. Life isn't fair, but smile. If you cant make yourself happy then you also indirectly make others worried about and sad for you.
     So far summer has been quite....quite a drag. I haven't done too much and I've spent alot of time thinking about things. Maybe too much time. But no matter how many days I have to help around the house or I accidentally sleep in, then feel like I've wasted my day, I know that by the end this summer is going to be MONUMENTAL. When things get you down, try to look on the bright side, make every moment count, and if that doesnt work I'll be there for you :) I know quite a few people who have terribly sad things happening to them right now, and if you need a shoulder to lean on I'll be there. (Its not like I have that many plans this summer anyway ;)..)
     .....Anyway, I'm not trying to be a downer or anything haha, this summer has something in store for all of us, you just have to stand up and take hold of it.

Just stand up and take hold of it.

Dear Reader I Give You a Note, Kinda

 Believe it or not, this post is inspired by my amazing friends and family I love you guys! Thanks for enduring my company :)
Anyway...Dear Reader do you ever feel like this?

   Well it's a good thing that lots of the time it's a misunderstanding,

 or it might just be an off day for you...

Don't worry ;)

Independence Day!

    Happy 4th of July!!! I hope you all have a great time celebrating! It is so wonderful to live in a free country and have the blessings that we do. God bless America! Now go have fun doing whatever splendid activity you have planned, and don't take anything for granted!

Oh Say Can You See...

My Notes of Change...

     I think I have finally made up my mind about my blog. I changed the name because I felt it was time to move on. Notes of Change will be about Different kind of notes, for the most part, (I might throw in random entries here and there). I am also going to start posting pictures! Thank you Laura and Courtney for motivating and inspiring me to continue my blog.
     Basically I have spent an hour redoing my blog so I hope you enjoy it! :)

One example of Notes

8 Ways of Looking at a Ring Poem

8 ways of Looking at a Ring

1
It shines in the sun
With its glossy surface.
Beauty can be found
Many places, but none
So unique
As a ring.

2
The store didn’t have
The right size
But you still bought it.
It’s always lost,
Falling off, Clang!
On the floor.

3
A circle.
Never ending or beginning,
Just sitting on you finger.
Simplicity
It’s only thought.

4
On some you find
Many,
Others only wear
One,
It’s all they need.

5
Its arm forever
Clinging onto
Your finger for
Dear life.

6
They sit through
The pain
Of engravings,
So then they can
Feel
Like they mean
Something
To you.

7
Its shape defines
An eternity.
Placed on a fourth finger,
It happily binds
A man and woman.

8
You feel it,
Follow it,
With your
Fingers. There is
No ending,
No opening.
It never ends.
It is
Forever.

My Decision

Well, I have finally figured out what to put on my blog! I think I am going to start posting poems, stories, basically any writing that I do. :)

Im Back, again...

Well, it is official, I'm really not good at blogs, or journals, or anything of the sort. But i was finally inspired to get back on, not that anyone reads it ;) but i am going to keep doing this blog, for my own good.
So, as my first redemption post, i had a crazy and marvelous idea last night! Phsycology bracelets...ya, i know, it sounds weird.
But thats beside the point, basically they are just bracelets of anykind, but they stand for something by either their color or the material its made out of etc. So for example if a goal i wanted to accomplish was write one blog post every week, haha, then i might choose a orange material and make a bracelet out of it. Then i would know everytime i looked at it.."oh, orange,I will write once a week."
Now heres the crazy part, well not really im just trying to be dramatic, everytime you look at your bracelet(s) you say in your head "I will......", so then everytime you think that, i believe it will influence you to do it, because you'll be thinking about it all the time :)
Brilliant Idea? I say yes :)